Wrong Answer

This joke got me laughing out loud while i was sitting in a packed computer lab at uni. What do you think?
The right age.

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile on his face.

His mom asks him, “Why was he so happy?”

Jack replies, "I just had sex today!"

Well this does not sit well with mom, she immediately begins shouting at Jack, telling him at 14 he has no business having sex! She tells him to go to his room and to wait for his dad to come home. When dad finally arrives, mom fills him in. She asks him to go upstairs and to have a chat with Jack.

He knocks on the door and proceeds to go in.

"Hey Jack, your mom tells me you had sex today?"

"Yes," replies Jack sadly.

Dad looks around the room and whispers to him, "Hey, way to go, son! Your Dad is very, very proud. But if your mom asks what we talked about just tell her it was guy stuff."

The next day, dad shares the news with all his coworkers, bragging that at the age of 14 his son is a man!

When dad goes home that night, he kisses his wife and runs straight upstairs to see Jack. "Hey Jack! Did you have sex today again, son?"

Jack replies "No dad...my ass still hurts from yesterday."

Younger Sister

As 'borrowed' from another site...

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decidedto get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friendsencouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only onething bothering me.That one thing was her younger sister.



My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tightminiskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down whennear me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check thewedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desiresfor me that she could not overcome and did not really want toovercome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just oncebefore I got married and committed my life to her sister.I was in total shock and could not say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to goahead with it just come up and get me."I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up thestairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties andthrew them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, thenturned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door andstepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes,he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed ourlittle test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter.Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is.....Always keep your condoms in your car

Beware of what you say. . .

I found this randomly on the net.... it's worth a read if you've got the time.


This is a great example of "did I say that out loud???

This happened at The University of Western Ontario last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen, which gives the sperm all the energy for their journey.A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand you correctly, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?""That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, she asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return.However, as she was going out the door, the professor's reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her question. "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat. Have a good day."

Does Cowboy Dan really exist? Or is he a figment of boyd's imagination? 

Ralf wins!!! 

People with cable or dedicated dial-upers

Saved by your balls

Everyone has watched 'saved by the bell' at one or more time in their life. The show about Zack, Screech and kellie ka-pow-chicka-pow-pow-ski. Well now you can play it online but there is a twist.

You have to make $1000 bucks by doing sexual favors. lol. God Bless the Internet
http://www.collegehumor.com/?game_id=saved%20by%20your%20balls

5 Levels of a hangover

• One Star Hangover (*)No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relativelywell. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and stillfeel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
• Two Star Hangover (**)No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but youhave the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging isonly increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the kabab from the 3:00 AM huger excursion. There is some definitehavoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
• Three Star Hangover (***)Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds youof the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Dr Phil reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teasand a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
• Four Star Hangover (****)Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or elseyou might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, butthat can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
• Five Star Hangover (*****)You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoyingthe employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in thecorners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Anyattempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....THINGS THAT ARE

DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

• Indubitably, Innovative, Preliminary, Proliferation, Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

• Specificity, British, Constitution, Passive-aggressive disorder, Loquacious, Transubstantiate,

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

• Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
• Nope, no more booze for me.
• Sorry, but you're not really my type.
• Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
• Oh, I just couldn't.No one wants to hear me sing.
• Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
• Please stop sucking my face! (Added by Ralf)

Theme answer

Greetings,
i never actually got around to thinking of a theme answer, so i am going with boyd's 'ham'.
Pnye gets an honourable mention and grant gets the 'try harder award'.

On a surpising note.

• If you take the 4th letter of the 1st Joke (not including the title)
• and the 4th letter of the 2nd Joke (not including the title)
• and the 4th letter of the 3rd Joke (not including the title)

IT SPELLS HAM! is that davinci codeish or what?

Tell me the linking theme and get a prize*

*(There is no prize)

Joke 1
So there's these two dudes at a bar.. man its the weekend and what not so these 2 dudes are gettin loose and havin a good time right..well like..this drunk just stumbles through the door all random-like and points down one of the guys.."YOU! I just f*ed your mom!" ...everyones like WHOAAA MAN!! Thinkin theres gonna be a brawl and stuff..but the dude is just like..ye whatever man..so the drunk is a little disappointed and leaves..bout an hour later the drunk comes back..points the same guy out "YOU!! i just f*ed your mom in the a*!!!" everyones like..OOOH..but the guy is just like..ye whatever man screw you..So the drunk leaves..comes back in a half hour this time..points this same guy down.."YOU!!...." but the guy stops him right there.."Dad..you're drunk..go home..."

Joke 2
Aft(a)er a Beer festival, the Brewery Presidents went out together to get a beer. The guy from corona says "Get me the best beer in the world, a corona." The guy from Budweiser says, "Get me the best beer in the world, the king of all beer, a budweiser." The guy from Coors says, "Get me the best beer in world, made with mountain spring water from the Rockies, get me a coors." The guy from LaBatt Blue says "Get me the best beer in the world, ay, a LaBatt Blue don'cha know." The guy from Guiness then says, "Get me a coke." Taken aback the members from the brewery club asked "Why aren't you getting a guinness?"The Guinness president replied, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Joke 3
Larhry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house.He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"